"It will get better."
A few words to try and help people deal with their grief. Three words that are meant to console but three words that might not be received too well.
Grief to me is like a fingerprint. It is unique to each of us. None of us respond to grief in the same way because we all process things differently. The loss of a person is devastating. It is devastating to watch a loved one suffer. It is devastating to have a sudden loss of someone. One is not easier than the other. It might be a slight relief to not watch your loved one suffer any longer, but it does not make the pain any less.
For awhile I didn't know how to respond to grief. I remember telling someone at one point how I hadn't lost a close loved one. They said "Well, it might get rough for awhile because you could lose everyone at once." I was shocked at those words and never thought about losing one of my loved ones, nevertheless more than one at a time.
For a long time, I didn't know how to react to someone who was dealing with a loss. I would try to find words to console but I found, after losing my dad, that words are not what I needed. I simply needed to know someone cared. I needed to know someone was there.
My best friend was willing and ready to drop everything to come and talk. Just with with me, talk about anything, everything or even nothing. I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk about anything, everything or nothing. I just needed to know she was there.
I now have found myself consoling people with less words. Maybe a hug and an 'I'm sorry.' We can not change what has happened, we don't need to be a hero. We need to be a friend and we need to be there.
Does it get better? Not necessarily. Does grief change? In my case, absolutely it has changed . But, the loss will always affect us`. Always. Just know that if you are dealing with a loss, I am thinking about you and I am here if you ever need to chat. No, if you ever need someone to listen. Or if you need a hug.
Your grief isn't wrong. It is yours. It can't be rushed. It can't be fixed. But, you are never alone. It will hurt. But you are not alone.
Tonight, I will pray for all of my friends who have had a loss. So, tonight, I will say a prayer for all of you. God bless.